I really like the idea you're going for with connecting the stars - I think that is a really cool idea! I can't wait to keep up with it and see what it turns out to be!
For the story - I loved the idea of a court case. I loved The People VS OJ so I thought this was a really fun concept. I was a little confused at the beginning with the characters - have you thought about adding more detail to make the characters less confusing or adding more details so people really know what the court case its about?
I also really liked how you spaced out your paragraphs - it was super easy to read on a computer screen without hurting my eyes.
What if you made this story a little longer with more details about the goat family and why Mr. Wold would do such a thing - or maybe his life in prison - maybe hell if that is where he is going?
Hey Muneeb! I really liked where you were going with the stars concept! I've already seen a few storybooks about constellations, so I enjoyed that you picked a less-known story to run with. I had a few questions. First, which page is your introduction? I wasn't totally sure what you were planning to do with the storybook as a whole, but I'm excited to read more stories as you write them! Also, you may want to link your comments page directly to your website, as it was a little tricky finding your comments page without the class page. I just went back and viewed your website again and realized you explain that a bit in your first story. Are you planning to pull virtue stories from a variety of cultures? I also liked your description of "true North" as the end goal. I can't wait to check back and read more!
Hey Muneeb! I like the concept of your portfolio and the theme is quite apparent already from your first story. Just like Rachel said, it would have been nice to see a more clear introduction on your cover page, I'm guessing that the Home page is where you would want that to go, but maybe we need a bit more information on the Stars page as well. I did not think about looking within a story page until I stumbled on the project explanation above the page for The Goat Family v. Mr. Wolf. The transition between the chapter introduction and the story it self is slightly awkward, a line separator, a heading or something of that sort could easily solve that. The story idea is brilliant, and as a letters major I can imagine that you had fun adding the court room setting to your story, haha. I wish we would have been introduced to what body parts were going to testify against the Wolf from the beginning , just to know better what to expect. The way that you lined up your story made it very easy to read and had a great flow, between the dialog and the other storytelling elements. Looking forward to seeing what other stories you'll add to this!
Hello Muneeb! I think it’s cool we both have the sky and stars as themes in our blogs. The stars are something we look at every night but how much do we really know about them? Your portfolio helps us learn a little bit more. Your goat and wolf story is super unique. I’ve never seen any story quite like it before where the organs come to life and tell their own truths. The spacing of your story is very good, it makes it easy to read and feel the pauses in the wolf’s words. I did struggle a little bit with understanding the story, because there was a lot of dialogue from the body parts and not a lot of action. I wish there was a little more description and detail of either the Wolf or the angel’s reactions. Overall this is a cool story and I can’t wait to read more!
Hey there Muneeb! I'm also drawing inspiration from the stars as well for my story, so I think that's cool you're doing that too. Overall, I thought your story was good, and it definitely has a lot of potential. Your concept is super clear! I thought the story was slightly had to follow, so maybe make it a little clear. However, your story is really original. I haven't read anything like it. I can't wait to read more and keep up the good work!
Hello Muneeb, I thought your story was great! I thought it was a great idea to do a court case trial for this kind of story, it fits so perfectly. Also I really like how you told the story. Your wording for each character really makes the story come alive which helps pull the reader into the story even more. I wonder what is going to happen next to Mr. Wolf after he was found guilty. If I would to suggest one thing is to get rid of the large spacing between each section. Personally for me I felt like the large spaces between each section distracted me from the reading, so I would say just make the spaces a bit smaller. I think your portfolio is looking pretty great so far. The pictures that you have all help to tell the story you are trying to say. Only thing I would suggest is to add a link to your comment wall on the cover page.
Hello Muneeb, I liked the story that you told for I had read the original. It was cool and well thought out way to tell the story. I like how you are wanting to make us think and be able to make the connections between the stars, but I am a little confused on how you are going to make us do that. I read the story and you said this section is called Alioth. But what connection does Alioth have to do with the story that you have told. If you could include more information about how we are supposed to make the connection of the stars that may help clear up the confusion that I am having. Otherwise you story as I have stated is fantastic and I hope all your other stories will be the same. Also, by adding your other stories I may be able to see what you are attempting.
Hey Muneeb! I just checked back in on your portfolio and love what you've done to it since the last time I read it. Once again, you've chosen an excellent story that conveys a clear moral truth. I love the fact that it was relevant to the culture that the tale was originally written for but also to our culture today. You made the motivation for the competition clear, and I like how you chose characters true to the original tales. Some of the retellings I've heard have been so different as to be unrecognizable, but with yours, the original tale shines through. Also, your author's note was quite helpful in completely understanding what you were going for. I liked your explanation of what happened when the older sister chose to marry a crow instead. I really enjoyed hearing your perspective on the last tale and now this one, and I'll be checking back for the next as well. Great work!
Hi Muneeb, I really enjoyed reading your story The Goat Family vs. Mr. Wolf. I think you did a great job accomplishing your goal for this story by incorporating the trial. I think this is so creative and creates a really cool story. I also found it so interesting that the Wolf’s own body was testifying against him, and the message that you cannot keep your secretes forever. One thing that I am a little confused about is the chapter name, Alioth. You mention that this is a star, but it is not mentioned again in the story. I wonder if there is a way you could incorporate the chapter title into the actual story. Your story was easy to read and follow. I also really like how you ended the story as if it was a real court case. The picture you chose is a great representation of your story. Overall, great job!
Hi there Muneeb! I love your theme so far! I was surprised to see that you're slowing building a connection between all of your stories and are giving the readers a bit of interaction with it. I love stories that let me have some sort of influence, which is why I chose to write my storybook the way I did this semester! Your individual stories were all very entertaining and your dialogue choices were wonderful. Your twists to the stories help to keep modern interest and cultural relevance. Not many people try to keep up with all those points when doing re-writes so be proud of your execution! That was meant to be a pun with your trial story so let me know if I should have left that out or not haha. You author's notes were at the end of the story and I usually put mine in the beginning so that everyone knows what they're getting into when they reach my stories. I'm glad that I didn't need yours to come in first in order to understand the read. Great job!
Hey Muneeb! I have really liked keeping up with your stories. I just read your last story The Exchange. I love Beauty and the Beast so being able to read another version of it is always really exciting. When I began reading the story I was immediately drawn in. It is a great first sentence which is always really hard for me to accomplish so great job! I liked your take on it where the girl did not fall in love with the beast but the act of true love was for her father. I thought that was a really sweet exchange of the part beastiality that is there originally. Overall, I really enjoyed the story and thought it was very sweet! Great job this semester!
Hello!
ReplyDeleteI really like the idea you're going for with connecting the stars - I think that is a really cool idea! I can't wait to keep up with it and see what it turns out to be!
For the story - I loved the idea of a court case. I loved The People VS OJ so I thought this was a really fun concept. I was a little confused at the beginning with the characters - have you thought about adding more detail to make the characters less confusing or adding more details so people really know what the court case its about?
I also really liked how you spaced out your paragraphs - it was super easy to read on a computer screen without hurting my eyes.
What if you made this story a little longer with more details about the goat family and why Mr. Wold would do such a thing - or maybe his life in prison - maybe hell if that is where he is going?
Hey Muneeb! I really liked where you were going with the stars concept! I've already seen a few storybooks about constellations, so I enjoyed that you picked a less-known story to run with. I had a few questions. First, which page is your introduction? I wasn't totally sure what you were planning to do with the storybook as a whole, but I'm excited to read more stories as you write them! Also, you may want to link your comments page directly to your website, as it was a little tricky finding your comments page without the class page.
ReplyDeleteI just went back and viewed your website again and realized you explain that a bit in your first story. Are you planning to pull virtue stories from a variety of cultures? I also liked your description of "true North" as the end goal. I can't wait to check back and read more!
Hey Muneeb! I like the concept of your portfolio and the theme is quite apparent already from your first story. Just like Rachel said, it would have been nice to see a more clear introduction on your cover page, I'm guessing that the Home page is where you would want that to go, but maybe we need a bit more information on the Stars page as well. I did not think about looking within a story page until I stumbled on the project explanation above the page for The Goat Family v. Mr. Wolf. The transition between the chapter introduction and the story it self is slightly awkward, a line separator, a heading or something of that sort could easily solve that. The story idea is brilliant, and as a letters major I can imagine that you had fun adding the court room setting to your story, haha. I wish we would have been introduced to what body parts were going to testify against the Wolf from the beginning , just to know better what to expect. The way that you lined up your story made it very easy to read and had a great flow, between the dialog and the other storytelling elements.
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to seeing what other stories you'll add to this!
- Anna Margret
Hello Muneeb! I think it’s cool we both have the sky and stars as themes in our blogs. The stars are something we look at every night but how much do we really know about them? Your portfolio helps us learn a little bit more. Your goat and wolf story is super unique. I’ve never seen any story quite like it before where the organs come to life and tell their own truths. The spacing of your story is very good, it makes it easy to read and feel the pauses in the wolf’s words. I did struggle a little bit with understanding the story, because there was a lot of dialogue from the body parts and not a lot of action. I wish there was a little more description and detail of either the Wolf or the angel’s reactions. Overall this is a cool story and I can’t wait to read more!
ReplyDeleteHey there Muneeb! I'm also drawing inspiration from the stars as well for my story, so I think that's cool you're doing that too. Overall, I thought your story was good, and it definitely has a lot of potential. Your concept is super clear! I thought the story was slightly had to follow, so maybe make it a little clear. However, your story is really original. I haven't read anything like it. I can't wait to read more and keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHello Muneeb, I thought your story was great! I thought it was a great idea to do a court case trial for this kind of story, it fits so perfectly. Also I really like how you told the story. Your wording for each character really makes the story come alive which helps pull the reader into the story even more. I wonder what is going to happen next to Mr. Wolf after he was found guilty. If I would to suggest one thing is to get rid of the large spacing between each section. Personally for me I felt like the large spaces between each section distracted me from the reading, so I would say just make the spaces a bit smaller. I think your portfolio is looking pretty great so far. The pictures that you have all help to tell the story you are trying to say. Only thing I would suggest is to add a link to your comment wall on the cover page.
ReplyDeleteHello Muneeb,
ReplyDeleteI liked the story that you told for I had read the original. It was cool and well thought out way to tell the story. I like how you are wanting to make us think and be able to make the connections between the stars, but I am a little confused on how you are going to make us do that. I read the story and you said this section is called Alioth. But what connection does Alioth have to do with the story that you have told. If you could include more information about how we are supposed to make the connection of the stars that may help clear up the confusion that I am having. Otherwise you story as I have stated is fantastic and I hope all your other stories will be the same. Also, by adding your other stories I may be able to see what you are attempting.
Hey Muneeb! I just checked back in on your portfolio and love what you've done to it since the last time I read it. Once again, you've chosen an excellent story that conveys a clear moral truth. I love the fact that it was relevant to the culture that the tale was originally written for but also to our culture today. You made the motivation for the competition clear, and I like how you chose characters true to the original tales. Some of the retellings I've heard have been so different as to be unrecognizable, but with yours, the original tale shines through. Also, your author's note was quite helpful in completely understanding what you were going for. I liked your explanation of what happened when the older sister chose to marry a crow instead. I really enjoyed hearing your perspective on the last tale and now this one, and I'll be checking back for the next as well. Great work!
ReplyDeleteHi Muneeb, I really enjoyed reading your story The Goat Family vs. Mr. Wolf. I think you did a great job accomplishing your goal for this story by incorporating the trial. I think this is so creative and creates a really cool story. I also found it so interesting that the Wolf’s own body was testifying against him, and the message that you cannot keep your secretes forever. One thing that I am a little confused about is the chapter name, Alioth. You mention that this is a star, but it is not mentioned again in the story. I wonder if there is a way you could incorporate the chapter title into the actual story. Your story was easy to read and follow. I also really like how you ended the story as if it was a real court case. The picture you chose is a great representation of your story. Overall, great job!
ReplyDeleteHi there Muneeb! I love your theme so far! I was surprised to see that you're slowing building a connection between all of your stories and are giving the readers a bit of interaction with it. I love stories that let me have some sort of influence, which is why I chose to write my storybook the way I did this semester! Your individual stories were all very entertaining and your dialogue choices were wonderful. Your twists to the stories help to keep modern interest and cultural relevance. Not many people try to keep up with all those points when doing re-writes so be proud of your execution! That was meant to be a pun with your trial story so let me know if I should have left that out or not haha. You author's notes were at the end of the story and I usually put mine in the beginning so that everyone knows what they're getting into when they reach my stories. I'm glad that I didn't need yours to come in first in order to understand the read. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHey Muneeb! I have really liked keeping up with your stories. I just read your last story The Exchange. I love Beauty and the Beast so being able to read another version of it is always really exciting. When I began reading the story I was immediately drawn in. It is a great first sentence which is always really hard for me to accomplish so great job! I liked your take on it where the girl did not fall in love with the beast but the act of true love was for her father. I thought that was a really sweet exchange of the part beastiality that is there originally. Overall, I really enjoyed the story and thought it was very sweet! Great job this semester!
ReplyDelete